Feel Like A Woman

April 25th, 2009

A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm.
 
 The plane gets pounded by rain, hail, wind and lightning.
 
 The passengers are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to
 crash and that they are all going to die.
 
 At the height of the storm, a young woman jumps up and exclaims,
 ”I can’t take this anymore! I can’t just sit here and die like an
 animal, strapped into a chair. If I am going to die,let me at
 least die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here man enough to
 make me feel like woman?”

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Author: admin Categories: Relationships Tags:

What Women Want From A Man

April 25th, 2009

What I Want In A Man, ORIGINAL List  
 ———————————–  
 1. Handsome  
 2. Charming  
 3. Financially Successful  
 4. A Caring Listener  
 5. Witty  
 6. In Good Shape  
 7. Dresses with Style  
 8. Appreciates the Finer Things  
 9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises  
 10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover 
  
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Author: admin Categories: Relationships Tags:

Women Playing Golf

April 25th, 2009
Two women are playing golf on a sunny afternoon when one of them
 slices her shot into a foursome of men.
 
 To her horror, one of the men collapses in agony with both hands
 in his crotch. She runs to him apologizing profusely, explaining
 that she is a physical therapist and can help ease his pain.
 
 ”No thanks… just give me a few minutes… I’ll be fine…,” he
 replies quietly with his hands still between his legs.
 
 Taking it upon herself to help the poor man, she gently undoes the
 front of his pants and starts massaging his genitals.
 
 ”Doesn’t that feel better?” she asks.
 
 ”Well… yes… That feels pretty good,” he admits. “But my thumb
 still hurts like hell.”
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Author: admin Categories: Relationships Tags:

How to Shower - Like A Man:

April 25th, 2009
How to Shower - Like A Man:
 
 1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave
    them in a pile.
 
 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way,
    shake willy at her making a “wey hey” sound.
 
 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror, suck in your gut,
    look for pecs. Admire yourself in the mirror.
 
 4. Get in the shower.
 
 5. Don’t bother to look for a washcloth (you don’t use one).
 
 6. Wash your face.
 
 7. Wash your armpits.
 
 8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
 
 9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.
 
 10. Ensure you leave “special” hair on the soap bar.
 
 11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
 
 12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
 
 13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
 
 14. Pee (in the shower).
 
 15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on
     the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the bath
     the whole time.
 
 16. Partially dry off.
 
 17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire self
     again.
 
 18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
 
 19. Leave bathroom light on.
 
 20. Return to the bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass
     your wife, pull off towel, grab willy, repeat “Wey hey” sound.
 
 21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
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Author: admin Categories: Relationships Tags:

Would You Remarry ?

April 25th, 2009

This guy’s wife asks, “Honey if I died would you remarry?”
 
 He replies, “Well, after a considerable period of grieving, we all
 need companionship, I guess I would.”
 
 She says, “If I died and you remarried, would she live in this
 house?” 
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Author: admin Categories: Husband & Wife Tags:

Marriage - Dumb Wives ?

April 25th, 2009

Three men were sitting in a bar, drinking Beer(as they do), and
 discussing how stupid their wives were.   
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Author: admin Categories: Husband & Wife Tags:

Dumb Browning Jump!!

April 25th, 2009
Tom, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat
down
next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
 
The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a
ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
 
The Browning looked at Tom and said, “Do you think he’ll jump?” Tom says,
“You know, I bet he’ll jump. The blond replied, “Well, I bet he
won’t.” Tom
placed a $20 bill on the bar and said,
 
“You’re on!”
 
Just as the Browning placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a
Swan dive off the building, plummeting to his death. The blond was
very upset
and handed her $20 to Tom, saying, “Fair’s fair. Here’s your money.
 
Tom replied, “I can’t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock
news and so I knew he would jump.”  
 
 
The Browning replies, “I did too; but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”
Tom took the money.
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Author: admin Categories: Blonde Tags:

Newly Weds

April 25th, 2009

Maria and Pedro got married. Pedro was a “man about town” so to speak, but Maria was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees. Pedro was a poor working man and could not afford to take time off for a honeymoon. So, that night they retired to his little shack. 
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Author: admin Categories: Husband & Wife Tags:

HOW MEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS

April 25th, 2009
HOW MEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS
 
Men only have two feet that track in mud.
Men can buy you presents.
Men don’t have to play with every man they see when you take them around  
the block.
Men are a little bit more subtle.
Dogs have dog breath all the time.
Men don’t shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.
And the number one reason dogs fall short…
It’s fun to dry off a wet man !!!!!!!! (If you’re a woman that is !!!)
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Author: admin Categories: Relationships Tags:

HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE ALIKE

April 25th, 2009
HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE ALIKE
 
Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both mark their territory.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women’s crotches. Neither does any dishes. Both pass gas shamelessly. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut. Both like dominance games. Both are suspicious of the postman. Neither knows how to talk on the telephone. Neither understands what you see in cats.
 
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Author: admin Categories: Relationships Tags: