Sexual Confessional
A young woman goes to church to confess her sins to the priest. “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”
“Tell me all of your sins, my daughter.”
“Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times,” she says.
The priest thinks about this long and hard, and says, “Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass, and drink it.”
“Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?”
“No,” the priest says, “but it’ll wipe that smile off your face!”
Three men were digging a hole when they found a lamp. The first
man rubbed it and out popped a genie. He said, “Poof, I will grant
each of you one wish.”
The first man said, “I wish to be smart and handsome.”
The genie’s reply, “Poof you’re a lawyer.”
The second man said, “I wish to be twice as smart and twice as
handsome.
”Poof, you’re a doctor.”
The third man said, “I wish to be three times as smart and three
times as handsome.”
”Poof, you’re a woman.”
1. I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know
I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde. - Dolly
Parton
2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly
ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong
Read more…
A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm.
The plane gets pounded by rain, hail, wind and lightning.
The passengers are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to
crash and that they are all going to die.
At the height of the storm, a young woman jumps up and exclaims,
”I can’t take this anymore! I can’t just sit here and die like an
animal, strapped into a chair. If I am going to die,let me at
least die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here man enough to
make me feel like woman?”
Read more…
What I Want In A Man, ORIGINAL List
———————————–
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially Successful
4. A Caring Listener
5. Witty
6. In Good Shape
7. Dresses with Style
8. Appreciates the Finer Things
9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises
10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover
Read more…
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you’re gone.
Dogs feel guilt when they’ve done something wrong.
Dogs don’t criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they’re jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you–except Frisbee (and they never laugh at
how you throw).
Dogs don’t feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
You are never suspicious of your dog’s dreams.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
(OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but
there’s a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.) Dogs understand what no means. Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside. Middle-aged dogs don’t feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner. Dogs admit it when they’re lost. Dogs aren’t threatened if you earn more than they do. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.