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When God created the dog, He said: “Sit all day by the door of your
    house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will
    give you a life span of twenty years.”
 
    The dog said: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten
    years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”
 
    So God agreed.
 
    Next, God created the monkey and said: “Entertain people, do tricks,
    and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”
    The monkey said: “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long
    time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?”
 
    And God agreed.
 
    God then created the cow and said: “You must go into the field with the
    farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk
    to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span
    of ! sixty years.”
 
    The cow said: “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for
    sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”
 
    And God agreed again.
 
    Finally, God created man and said: “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy
    your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.” But man said: “Only
    twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow
    gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back;
    that makes eighty, okay?”
 
    “Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”
 
    So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
    ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our
    family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the
    grand-children. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch
    and bark at everyone.
 
    Life has now been explained to you.

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. “Is this your husband?” he nervously asks.
 
“No, silly,” she replies, snuggling up to him.
 
 ”Your boyfriend, then?” he continues.
 
“No, not at all,” she says, nibbling away at his ear.
 
“Is it your dad or your brother?” he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
 
“No, no, no!!!” she answers.
 
“Well, who in the hell is he, then?” he demands.
 
 
 ”That’s me before the surgery.”