Joketing.com

In a wild high-speed police chase, a trailerless semi truck flees authorities with a man clinging to the back of the vehicle. The truck eventually slows down enough to allow the man no the back to jump off, where he falls, gets up, and then seems to wander around. The man driving the truck is forced out by about a dozen police and wrestled to the ground after the truck stops, although not without some difficulty.

Quick Read

> A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a  
> preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water  
> and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and  
> is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk,  
>  
“Are you ready to find Jesus?” The drunk answers, “Yes, I am.” So the  
> preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks  
> the drunk, “Brother, have you found Jesus?” The drunk replies, “No, I  
> haven’t found Jesus.”  
>  
> The preacher shocked at the answer; dunks him into the water again for a  
> little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks  
> again, “Have you found Jesus, my brother?” The drunk again answers, “No, I  
> haven’t found Jesus.”  
>  
> By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the  
> water again— but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and  
> when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again  
> asks  
the drunk, “For the love of God, have you found Jesus?”  
>  
> The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the  
> preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?

Sexual Confessional
 
A young woman goes to church to confess her sins to the priest. “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”  
 
“Tell me all of your sins, my daughter.”  
 
“Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times,” she says.  
 
The priest thinks about this long and hard, and says, “Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass, and drink it.”  
 
“Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?”  
 
“No,” the priest says, “but it’ll wipe that smile off your face!”

A blind man with his guide dog walked into a bar.
 
 The blind man picked up the dog and swung it around and around
 over his head. 
  Read more…

A drunk is sitting at a bar when a woman stands behind him and
 raises her arm really high to get the bartender’s attention.
 
 She has very hairy armpits. The drunk sees this and yells at the
 bartender, “Get the ballerina a drink.”
 
 She gets her drink and goes away.

Read more…

Three men were digging a hole when they found a lamp. The first
 man rubbed it and out popped a genie. He said, “Poof, I will grant
 each of you one wish.”
 
 The first man said, “I wish to be smart and handsome.”
 
 The genie’s reply, “Poof you’re a lawyer.”
 
 The second man said, “I wish to be twice as smart and twice as
 handsome.
 
 ”Poof, you’re a doctor.”
 
 The third man said, “I wish to be three times as smart and three
 times as handsome.”
 
 ”Poof, you’re a woman.”

1. I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know
    I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde. - Dolly
    Parton
 
 2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly
    ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

Read more…